Healing🌸🥰.

I’ve never seen a cut no matter how small heal immediately. As a result of living in a fallen world we will encounter some measure of trauma. Trauma is described as a deeply distressing or disturbing experience. Depending on it’s nature it can affect us physically, mentally or emotionally; sometimes it can be all three. The thing about traumatic experiences is you never go back to who you were. For some time I viewed this in a negative light, wishing I didn’t have to endure all I did especially as it related to men. I took on a masculine persona to defend myself as I felt like I had no one to defend me. No matter how scared I was, I ran up to grown men, I didn’t care. I didn’t think about how men are naturally built stronger than us. So I would be fighting a losing battle. I was there to show everyone I wasn’t one to play with.

I wasn’t to be touched without my permission. I wasn’t here for your unwanted sexual advances and disrespectful comments. I wasn’t here to be belittled or abused. I remember a physical altercation I had with a guy that I was talking to at the time. I didn’t feel defenseless I armed myself with a knife and I had all plans to use it. With what little dignity I had then I took that as my sign to LEAVE. I NEVER looked back. And you shouldn’t either. A significant part of my healing journey consisted of forgiveness. Unforgiveness towards my offenders fueled my anger and made me into a cocktail of burning lava just waiting for someone to say or do the wrong thing. Forgiveness takes the strength of God, I didn’t want to do it but I chose to and it changed my life. I pray God will give you the strength to forgive those who hurt you too. 🤗

Years later imagine my shock when I realized I’m actually a girl😮‍💨 and I don’t need to be aggressive. I was created to be soft, gentle, nurturing, I mean I thought I was these things before or maybe I was just delusional. Nevertheless, I had to rid myself of my survival tactics and allow God to heal my heart.

One of the ways that I distinctly remember was when He spoke to me through 1 Peter 3:4 which states; rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

As I sat with the verse I realized I had some unlearning to do because my whole life I saw gentleness as weakness. I couldn’t let anyone see me “weak” it would make me an easy target. I’ve also seen gentle women command rooms and not even have to raise their voices. I had to understand that God creating a woman wasn’t a mistake and though I have a strong personality I don’t need to be scary to get my point across.

As I learn more, I am really enjoying this softer side of myself. Being angry was stressful, 0/10 do not recommend. I feel more alive than I’ve ever felt and this all started because I gave God my yes. There are many things in my life I didn’t want to give to Him, but today I’m so glad I did. They’re in the best hands, I know all my brokenness is safe there. He is the potter and I am the clay. The thing about God is that He restores in such a way that it’s hard to tell you were even broken.

Will you allow Him to mould you into who He created you to be before the foundations of the earth? I pray your answer will be yes. I want to pray for you.

God of all power I bring your children before you. God you know what each eye had to see and what every ear heard. Father you know the pain and the sorrow they’ve faced and the sleepless night’s they’ve had and you’ve been there. I thank you for your word that declares you are close to the broken hearted and You save those who are crushed in spirit. Father I pray you will comfort your people even now. As you overshadow them with healing in Your wings, I thank you God for the chains that are being broken, for the strength to leave broken relationships, for the courage to stand up for themselves, for the support after the suffering. I place them in Your hands and I say have Your way. Do what only You can do, touch, heal and deliver in Jesus name. Amen.

God bless you💙

Always remember, healing isn’t linear🌸