Trusting God🙌🏾.

I know some of you read the title and felt that lump in your throat, that's okay I'm here once again in obedience to God. Even this speaks to how much I trust Him as I walk out my own seasons of uncertainty. I want to take you back to 2018. I graduated nursing school November 4th 2017 and I had my life all planned out long before then. NOTHING went according to my plan. I was unsuccessful in my Regional exam for Nurses Registration and here I was again faced with those feelings of being a failure. Somehow failing at things especially exams make me question my worth and my identity. It was a lot to process and being in another country didn't make it any easier. At this time I was in Bermuda awaiting the results of the exam for the final time. I was nervous, but I tried my best not to overwhelm myself. Then my mom called with the results and I screamed "Open it, Open it". She happily obliged and began to read, I didn't hear congratulations and my heart sank. I don't even remember anything really after that. I burst into tears wondering what I would do with my life now. I had so many questions. Anyone can say they trust God but life will put those words to the test. Do you really trust Him? In my situation I had no choice. I was disappointed, angry, confused, this was the lowest I felt since my suicidal attempts at 16. By His grace I didn't go that far this time, I believe that's why I was in Bermuda as well. Here I was giving God silent treatment because this was all His fault of course. I remember one day, as I was in the shower I screamed at Him, breaking the silence. Tears streaming down my face I shouted "This is not what you said". I already had significant trust issues, I trusted you with my career (or so I thought) and now this? My heart shattered in a million pieces.

He responded and said "Shannon enjoy your vacation, do you know how many people have died and never seen Bermuda? Do you know how many people would love to come to Bermuda but can't ? Enjoy your vacation". The ultimate Father's correction, in true God style not addressing what I said but making His point. And the point was, I had been asking him for years to leave Barbados.Oh how we let our emotions cloud our judgement, we forget but God doesn't. More importantly He needed me to understand who was in control. That season of my life taught me many things but I want to share the main one that helps me when life is LIFING. That is GRATITUDE.

I was so caught up with my disappointment that I failed to realize God is still in control and even though I didn't understand there was still much to thank God for. That is when I experienced a shift in my perspective, I was still in pain but I chose to praise God IN SPITE of my pain. My experiences don't stop Him from being good. He is GOOD regardless and He is worthy of the praise. I had a lot to learn back then but I needed that significant lesson at that time. Think about your situation and ask yourself in spite of this, what can I give God thanks for? And start there, giving Him thanks for what's left. I learnt a song during that season that I want to share with you as well. "Praise is what I do when I wanna be close to You I lift my hands in praise. Praise is who I am I will praise You while I can. I'll bless Him at all times. I vow to praise You, through the good and the bad. I'll praise You whether happy or sad. I'll praise You in all that I go through, because praise is what I do. And I owe it all to You". 7 years later I can say with a peaceful heart failing that exam was the BEST thing that happened to me. These last few years God has taken me on a journey revealing to me who I am in Him. It's been interesting and eye-opening and I'm so glad I trusted Him even though I didn't understand. He truly does know best.

No one said trusting God would be easy, I still have my moments but God is more interested in our growth than He is with our comfort. Growing pains as I like to call them are significant reminders that we are exactly where He needs us to be. We have excellent biblical examples in those who trusted God from Abraham, Moses, Joshua, David, Noah, Job, Joseph, Jeremiah to name a few. Be encouraged you're in great company. This season will usher you into a deeper level of worship and prayer. It will require more dependence on God. And the sooner you realize this the better. You were NEVER in control of your life to begin with. Life with Christ calls for surrender some areas are easier to let Him in than others and even when you believe you've surrendered there's still more. This is why some christians are comfortable with Jesus being their Savior but not their LORD.

If God is calling you deeper, answer Him. There's a better you on the other side of that process. I'll close with this.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path. -Proverbs 3:5-6